I “may” have overdone it with this year’s Pinewood Derby car

As the father of a second- and fifth-grade cub scout, I’ve helped to build my share of Pinewood Derby cars over the last five years. The process has always been a delicate balance between letting my sons do what they can and grabbing the hammer from them screaming that they’re going to break something. My sons have never come close to actually winning a race, but fortunately, there is a “Best in Show” category for those unfortunate children whose fathers don’t have a masters degree in engineering and aerodynamics (people take this thing REALLY serious folks).

After holding my tongue and sitting on my hands all these years, our Pack decided to have an open-class competition for the dads. And so, with the gauntlet having been thrown down, I got to work creating the Pinewood Derby Car of my own twisted dreams.

A Pinewood Derby car starts with a block of wood that is usually cut and carved into the shape of a vehicle, but I decided an additive vs. reductive approach was going to work best. It’s amazing what can be achieved with a bandsaw and a belt sander! After making the various elements and digging through the junk drawer for parts, I glued them all together and this was the result…

Just after everything started to look good, I went ahead and attacked it with the Dremel…

The post-apocalyptic world is a rough place, and the car needed to show its battle scars. Once I had sufficiently beaten it up, a coat of black primer spray paint brought it all together and I started to get a sense of how it would really look…

After some detail painting, my vision became a reality. I present to you… Toecutter!

I painted the car with acrylic craft paints — one of these days I will relearn how to use my airbrush, but the paintbrushes did the job just fine. After everything was painted, I dry brushed the whole thing with white paint, which made the details really pop…

This necklace chain is probably my favorite addition. Corrugated cardboard makes for perfect metal roofing material armor. The taillights and back bumper were made from pieces of a drinking straw, and the spikes are bamboo skewers…

Of course, I had to make a base for this machine, so I swept up all the sawdust and bits off the shop floor and glued them down to a board. After adding a small plastic skull from a Halloween necklace, I spray painted the whole platform and called it a day.

Now it is time to strike fear in the heart of all those 7-year olds!