Cool and Collected

Collecting pop culture toys, comics, and collectibles collections

Brian

Fire & Ice — a Frazetta painting comes to life

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Following the recent success of movies such as Conan the Barbarian and Beastmaster, two Brooklyn boys, Ralph Bakshi and Frank Frazetta, decided to team up on an animated tale of sword and sorcery. Fire & Ice is a movie that I used to watch on the VCR over and over again, pausing at the good parts — not those parts! I paused this movie so I could draw Darkwolf, the baddest warrior you’ve ever seen. I had notebooks filled with Darkwolf drawings, and he was the model for every D&D character I ever created. remember the Molly Hatchett album cover? Yeah, that’s him. He was like a cross between Conan and Batman.

Fire & Ice

Good grief, just look at that poster. Want to know what was banging around in my 12-year-old brain? This is it. Frank Frazetta was a god.

Upon the movie’s release, the New York Times wrote, “If you love comic books but can’t bear the unnecessary bother of turning pages, ‘Fire and Ice,’ which opened yesterday at the National theater, may be for you. It would help if you were a sex-obsessed 12-year old boy, but it isn’t essential.”

Okay, let’s get this out of the way at the start. This movie was released in 1983. Times were different back then. An apt title for this move today might be “Exploitation” or “Princess Teegra had a Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” Teegra’s primary role is to run around and jiggle a lot, while wearing less than three square inches of sheer fabric. She is captured again and again, stripped, put in chains, and at one point, even put on a leash. I was 12. I liked this movie — we didn’t have the internet back then, so gimme a break.

The hero character, Larn, looked like Dar changed his name and walked off the set of Beastmaster. He was okay as a hero, but he’s no Darkwolf. Man, that Darkwolf…

No wheels were reinvented with this plot, but who came here for the plot? The real draw (get it?) of this movie is the animation style. The backgrounds are lush, beautiful oil paintings, and the characters were animated with the rotoscoping technique, which meant that live actors were filmed, and the action was traced and redrawn, resulting in fluid, realistic movements. Fun fact: Two of the background painters were James Gurney of Dinotopia fame, and Thomas Kinkade — yes, that Thomas Kinkade.

This video gives a fascinating look at how the rotoscoping technique and the rest of the animation was done. I love this stuff!

The animators used slow motion at a few particularly scary moments, which amplified the threat. You might see this effect in live action movies, but in animation, it looks amazing. This ain’t no Saturday morning cartoon! As a kid, I was on the edge of my seat — the danger felt so real, and the neanderthal bad guys were creepier than any other thug you could imagine. The fact they didn’t speak and just grunted was perfect, especially since the dialogue in this movie wasn’t all that great to begin with.

Fire & Ice has everything a sword and sorcery fan could ever want in a movie. Heck, there are even flying dinosaur riders, I mean come on! And the final aerial assault where Darkwolf jumps through the door with battle axe in hand… I need a cigarette.

If you’re a fan of the fantasy genre and haven’t seen this movie, go watch it! I doubt you’ll like it as much as I do (not possible) but I’m sure you’ll enjoy seeing Darkwolf in action. And Teegra.

Cool Summer 2019

This summer, I am going back to the 70’s and 80’s with the Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019. Follow along and let me know if there’s something you think I should revisit.

What, Me Worry?

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A good part of my youth was spent hanging out with a goofy looking, gap toothed freckled kid named Alfred. Alfred taught me more about the great big world than anyone else, and he always had me rolling with laughter. He was the kind of kid that your parents thought was a bad influence — he was irreverent and questioned authority, all while telling the funniest jokes.

Of course, I’m referring to Alfred E. Newman, the mascot of Mad Magazine, one of the most recognizable icons in pop culture history. The magazine started as a comic book back in 1952, written and illustrated by the legendary Harvey Kurtzman, Wally Wood, Will Elder, Jack Davis, John Severin, and others. Subscription levels for the magazine reached their peak in the mid 70’s, and the magazine continued to run strong through the early 80’s. Don Martin, Jack Davis, Dave Berg, Mort Drucker, Al Jaffee, Sergio Aragones — the usual gang of idiots, as they dubbed themselves — had a huge impact on me as a kid. Much like some of the artists and writers over at Marvel and DC Comics, these guys were legends to me, and every month, I couldn’t wait to see what they would put down on the page.

No movie, TV show, celebrity, or politician was safe from Mad Magazine. The publication skewered one and all equally, and we loved it! The creators were just doing what little boys did on a daily basis, but by being “adults” and putting it in print, it kind of validated all our potty humor. “Happy Days” became “Crappy Days,” “Taxi” became “Taxing” — low brow humor to be sure, but that was just the window dressing to some very smart and biting commentary. Women were objectified, politicians were roasted, celebrities were knocked off their high horses, and social injustices were mocked. The magazine knew which buttons to push and how far to take a joke — for the most part.

My parents had to know how irreverent the magazine was, since my dad used to read any copies I left around, but that didn’t stop them from buying me new issues at the grocery store. Looking through old issues of the magazine, it’s amazing to see some of the social issues they took head on through humor. Political correctness did not exist. Again, times were different back then.

Every issue had the “old faithful” articles and columns…

Don Martin’s comics were always my favorite.

Dave Berg’s “The Lighter Side of…” never shied away from controversy.

Sergio Aragones could do more with one picture than most writers could do with 100,000 words.

The parodies were always pure gold — Mort Drucker is the king of all caricaturists. When Michael J. Fox appeared on Johnny Carson’s Tonight Show in 1985, he said that he knew he made it in show business “when Mort Drucker drew my head.”

Spy Vs. Spy — one of the truly great comedic duos in history.

The Mad Fold-Ins on the inside back covers kept just about every issue from ever becoming a pristine collectible.

For over 40 years, Mad Magazine didn’t have ads — unless they made them up themselves.

It’s been many years since I picked up a new issue of Mad on the newsstand (the fact that I still use the word newsstand shows how much gray is in my hair!), but I do enjoy revisiting the older issues. It is amazing how the humor in those issues holds up all these years later. Some of the commentary on politics and the environment is so razor sharp that it could have been written just last week. My pal Alfred really knew what he was talking about.

Cool Summer 2019

This summer, I am going back to the 70’s and 80’s with the Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019. Follow along and let me know if there’s something you think I should revisit.

The spice must flow.

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When the idea for “Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019” was born, I knew that part of the experiment would be viewing popular movies that I never managed to see while growing up. Dune is one of those movies. Having never heard any good opinions or reviews towards this movie, I never felt the urge to give it a shot… until now. Whoo boy. Here goes.

To be fair, I wasn’t going into this viewing totally cold, since I did read the Frank Herbert novel several years ago. The book was great, the movie was not. If I hadn’t read the novel, I’m sure I would be even more confused, which is saying something.

The first hour of Dune is the slowest of slogs, through meandering dream sequences and scenes filled with a cavalcade of characters straight out of George Lucas’ reject bin. A day later, I’m still wondering about certain aspects of this movie, but not in a good way — what the heck were those giant testicle creatures anyway? The plot of this movie is so muddled, an actual storyline only starts to appear after 2/3 of the way through.

Kyle MacLachlan is miscast in this movie. He is just awful in the beginning, when his character is a dumb “kid” and later on, when he becomes the heroic figure he was destined to become, you just don’t care for him still.

I really don’t know what David Lynch was trying to do with this movie. Many of the scenes were laughably bad (floating Baron, anyone?), while the source material is so rich. Was it his intention to make a campy movie or a serious epic? Granted, I’m not a big fan of Lynch’s movies, but why did anyone think he was a good fit for this one?

You know a movie is going to be bad when they need a narrator to explain what’s going on at various points in the story. If you haven’t seen Dune before and decide to watch it, I would recommend reading a synopsis so you have a vague sense of what is going on, and maybe make it just a little more watchable.

The villains in this movie are disgusting, terrible, and hard to watch. The actors really got into the roles, even Sting, and I won’t forget their antics any time soon.

Overall, the special effects were not very good for 1984. Star Wars hit the screens seven years before Dune, and looked a whole lot better despite the fact that Dune had a pretty robust budget. The cube fighting shields were straight out of Tron and unlike anything else in the movie. I’m a sucker for miniatures and set design, and there were some good ones on display here. The sandworms were great, but got tiresome after their one trick was shown over and over again at the end. Their design borrowed a lot from the Sarlacc Pit, while also being a clear inspiration for the Demigorgon in Stranger Things.

Once the movie got going and actually started to feel like an action movie, things got better. Capturing and riding the sandworms was pretty nifty, but then the guns powered by your voice came along and ruined it. The fighters sounded like Grover every time they fired their pistols. Oh, and the ropes they used to harness the sandworms were totally those plastic jumpropes from the school playground.

The end of the movie features laser guns and explosions, finally. The bad guy gets eaten after floating down a sandworm’s mouth. The end. Spoiler alert.

Dune runs 2:17 long, but it felt much longer.

Random thoughts while watching:

  • Jean Luc Picard looks strange with long hair.
  • Hey, that’s Dean Stockwell with a bad porn ‘stache! I should have spent this time watching some old episodes of Quantum Leap instead.
  • Those eyebrows make Andy Rooney’s look small.
  • This society is incredibly low-tech for being 80,000 years in the future.
  • What’s with the dogs, cats, and rats? Was the special FX budget trimmed?
  • Ha! That’s David Lynch as the spice worker in the desert.
  • The military troops looked like they walked off the set of Raiders of the Lost Ark. They are wearing the Nazi desert trooper uniforms!
  • Sean Young was so cute. She went a little loopy didn’t she? Maybe this movie had something to do with it.
  • The nose breathing apparatus was a poor design decision. Sean Young looks like Adolf Hitler in the kissing scenes.
  • Okay, now what is going on with that upside down cow?
  • The best part of the movie is the soundtrack by Toto — somewhat reminiscent of Queen’s soundtrack for Flash Gordon.
  • The Duke is told to “Remember the tooth.” I thought he said “truth,” which would have made more sense, but no, its “tooth.”
  • Just when you think this movie is pretty weird, the box with the cat and rat comes out. You gotta milk the cat for the antidote.
  • I don’t typically suggest alcohol or drugs, but they would probably make this movie exceptional. Watching this movie sober was a mistake.

Final thoughts:

Well, I can now check that one off the list. Will I watch Dune again, probably not. Was it worth watching once? Not really. Sci-fi fans should probably check it out only because it’s one of the touchstones of the genre, but for everyone else, maybe spend your time sorting the spice cabinet in your kitchen.

Cool Summer 2019

This summer, I am going back to the 70’s and 80’s with the Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019. Follow along and let me know if there’s something you think I should revisit.

“The kids are brats, the food is hideous…”

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Continuing on my journey to re-experience the movies and entertainment that filled my adolescent years, it’s time to go to camp! Meatballs is one of those movies that must have had heavy replay on HBO, because I know I watched it dozens of times. The target audience is teenage kids, and since I’m way outside that demographic now, my opinions of the movie have certainly changed. Now, I have kids who are about the same age as I was when I saw it, so viewing the movie from a parent’s point of view is quite different, so let’s get to it!

When I was 12 years old, my parents shipped me off to summer camp eight states away, where I stayed in a cabin with seven other boys and a counselor for two months. I could definitely relate to the events and feelings this movie evoked — the homesickness especially. Parts of summer camp were great memories that I cherish to this day, but other parts SUUUUUUUCKED.

Meatballs is kind of like a kid-friendly version of Animal House, another Ivan Reitman movie. The movie is about a low-rent summer camp filled with underdogs and societal rejects without much ambition other than maybe hooking up before summer’s end. Bill Murray plays Bill Murray (the character is actually named “Tripper”) and the movie is directed by Ivan Reitman. Those two would go on to work together on little projects such as Ghostbusters and Stripes.

Meatballs is filled with a cavalcade of characters that we can all relate to — I was once a Rudy, and strived to be a Tripper, but now I am a Morty. sigh. I remembered this movie being much raunchier than it was, maybe crossing wires in my memory with other movies from the time. It’s got just enough taboos to make it feel like your parents would be mad if they caught you watching it, but it’s actually fairly sweet and sentimental, and is a good film for those kids who might fall in the “freaks & geeks” columns.

There are plenty of elements that charge right up to the edge of inappropriateness, but for the most part, don’t go over the cliff. There is one scene though that will probably prevent this movie from being played on any network TV station anytime soon. Throughout the movie, Tripper playfully tries to “seduce” one of the other counselors, who doesn’t seem too interested in a relationship. At one point, this seduction turns into a playful wrestling match where the female character cries out for him to stop several times and clearly says “No!” The lead counselor comes in and the “hijinks” come to an end, but there’s no telling what might have happened if he didn’t show up. It was tough to watch in this “Me Too” age of ours. Not to excuse it, but I’m sure I’ll be saying this in many of my reviews this summer: times were different back then.

The main plot line of the movie centers around a homesick camper (Rudy) who can’t make any friends. Tripper takes him under his wing, hangs out with him, plays cards, etc. If a grown man did this with a 13-year old boy today, he would no doubt be seen as a pedophile grooming his next victim. I kind of miss the days when adults could actually be alone with kids without the worst being assumed, but those days are probably gone for good. Clearly, in this movie, the relationship did wonders for the kid and boosted his confidence to the point where he ended up as the hero of the camp.

At the end of the movie, the CIT’s (counselors in training) get together for a final bonfire and sing their song. I sang along as I still remember every word all these years later:

We are the C.I.T.s so pity us.
The kids are brats; the food is hideous.
We’re gonna smoke and drink and fool around.
We’re nookie-bound!…
We are the North Star C.I.T.s!

Random thoughts while watching:

  • That title screen is probably the lowest budget effect I’ve ever seen.
  • Those shorts are really short.
  • The actors in this movie are so ordinary! Even the “babes” are fairly average. When did movies switch to feature only gorgeous, plastic non-humans?
  • This movie triggered some serious summer camp PTSD for me.
  • Do kids still play “shirts & skins?”
  • The basketball game with Camp Mohawk summed up being a kid pretty well.
  • I loved the “It just doesn’t matter” speech. It’s perfect for today’s society where everyone gets a trophy.
  • Rudy is played by Chris Makepiece, who went on to star in another one of my forgotten childhood favorites, “My Bodyguard,” with Adam Baldwin. I’m going to have to track down a copy of that movie for a review!

Final thoughts:

Rewatching this movie was a bit shaky at first, and it felt pretty dated, but after a while, I kind of felt myself being transported to my awkward teenage self and ended up enjoying it quite a bit. When I first viewed this movie as a kid, I could relate to the young campers, while watching it yesterday, I was clearly seeing it from the counselors’ point of view — I am now Morty. My younger self may have laughed much harder, but I still chuckled at a few of the scenes.

Cool Summer 2019

This summer, I am going back to the 70’s and 80’s with the Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019. Follow along and let me know if there’s something you think I should revisit.

Adventure was everywhere… and dragons were real.

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When I was a kid, Dragonslayer was the kind of movie that I adored — dragons, swords, young maidens in distress — check, check, and check! I had only vague memories of this memory before watching it again last night — I remembered the dragon scale shield because I used that technique in D&D adventures (those scales are hard to find!). I also remembered the twist regarding one of the main characters, Valerian, but other than that, memories of this film were hidden away in some dark dungeon of my mind.

This movie was produced by Paramount Pictures and Walt Disney Productions in 1981, with a pretty sizable budget of $18m+. That money was well spent as the costumes, scenery, and special effects are pretty incredible. The dragon breathes fire, burns villages, and flies through the sky, and is totally believable. Phil Tippet was the man behind the effects, along with Industrial Light & Magic, so you know the movie was in capable hands, and it’s amazing what they were able to achieve in this pre-CGI era.

Peter MacNichol plays the lead sorcerer/apprentice, Galen, and seems like an odd choice for the main actor, but he plays the part well. He’s no leading man material by today’s standards, but that helps to make you feel more affection for the character. Since his appearance in this movie, MacNicol has gone on to appear in numerous other movies and TV shows, such as Ghostbusters 2, Ally MacBeal, 24, and Veep, and a ton of voice acting roles. The characters he plays are not usually the hero, so it was interesting to see him play that part in one of the first acting roles of his career.

Dragonslayer has all the standard elements you would expect to find in a sword and sorcery flick, without too many surprises along the way. It feels comfortable, like all the other fantasy films you may have seen, but more innocent and “real” if that makes sense. There’s no over the top battle sequences filled with gore and muscle-bound bravado — it’s a more subdued tale that engages you as it unfolds. This movie could take place in Middle Earth, Shannara, or any other fantasy landscape that features dragons and sorcery. Heck, this could even be a prequel to Game of Thrones!

Random thoughts while watching:

  • How much did this move affect George R.R. Martin and his Game of Thrones novels? Valerian, Tyrion, dragons…
  • How much did the dragon design affect HBO’s Game of Thrones dragons? The way the dragon looked and crawled is eerily similar..
  • I wonder how old I was when I understood what a virgin was.
  • Whoah, that’s emperor Palpatine!

Final thoughts:

Dragonslayer holds up really well, and had me engaged through the entire movie. The pacing is slow, like many 80’s movies, and it takes a while to get to the good stuff, but the payoff is rewarding and exciting. Definitely seek out this movie if it slipped by you.

Cool Summer 2019

This summer, I am going back to the 70’s and 80’s with the Cool, Cool, Cool Summer 2019. Follow along and let me know if there’s something you think I should revisit.