Happy birthday to me — Planet of the Apes Lawgiver statue

I celebrated my birthday recently and as the big day neared, my wife asked me what I wanted for my present. Not missing a beat, I immediately texted her this link.

Her response: “Really, that’s what you want?” Now dear reader, you have to understand that my lovely bride of 20+ years is tolerant of my collecting passions, but is not one to encourage or contribute to the cause. I often read with wonder about fellow collectors whose wives seek out the latest chase variants for them, or willingly attend toy shows with them — I may have married well, but I did not catch one of these mythical creatures who reward you for being a good boy by buying you a comic book.

To me, birthday presents should be those items you wouldn’t buy yourself because they are A. impractical, B. expensive, or C. frivolous — of course, the best presents are all of the above. Unfortunately, my wife leans hard to the practical side when it comes to gift giving, so when she asks, I have to pounce or risk getting a car cleaning kit. (I can take a hint!)

Well, after a long wait, the Planet of the Apes Lawgiver statue is now in my possession — thanks, Hon! I love it!

This statue is truly a work of art and looks and feels like it is carved stone. It weighs as much as a full bottle of wine, and if an intruder ever enters my cave, this is what I am going to use to hit him over the head. The sculpt and paint application are minimal but perfect.

“Beware the beast Man, for he is the Devil’s pawn. Alone among God’s primates, he kills for sport or lust or greed. Yea, he will murder his brother to possess his brother’s land. Let him not breed in great numbers, for he will make a desert of his home and yours. Shun him; drive him back into his jungle lair, for he is the harbinger of death.”

Tell me that’s not the coolest paperweight ever!

There were ONLY 1,700 of these made, so it’s surely going to put my kids through college! (Bah, who am I kidding, I’m never going to sell it — community college is just fine.)

The best part of this statue is seeing it with the NECA 6″ apes.

Statues of the Lawgiver are a common sight around Ape City, and this guy is definitely going to be the basis of a diorama that I have been meaning to build. It looks like I need to head to Home Depot and get some foam boards and paint!

I do love my apes, and in all honesty, I give my wife a lot of credit for giving in to my silly desires. Just wait, I’ll have her scouting the toy aisles for me in no time!